The Loneliness of the Long Distance Flyer

So, Edinburgh day five and it feels like we’ve been here for two weeks.
Life has settled in a haze of trundle, perform, trundle, promote, eat, change, perform, trundle, eat, drink and sleep.

I saw an acquaintance from the Brighton Fringe out promoting his show (We Are Goose is the name of his company and they do a great piece about Surgeon John Hunter- go see it) near the Underbelly, he’d been at it two weeks and looked, frankly terrible. He looked liked he’d fell prey to multiple six year olds asking him to peer through their special binoculars to see the strange flag atop Edinburgh castle.

I ain’t complaining, I knew what I signed up for, I’m merely pointing out the sheer hard work and energy that people pour into the Fringe.
I haven’t had much time to see anything and I’ll be going to see an afternoon show today. I did see some great comedy at The Canon Gait. It was Peter Buckley Hill’s Free Fringe comedy guest line up and was absolutely great fun, especially Peter himself, who had some cracking one liners and mumbled into the mic continually in a stream-of-consciousness-nonsensical way at the intermission until people finally had the stones to get up for a wee and a pint. Hal Cruttenden also put in an appearance and was so funny that I inadvertently snorted beer up my nose.
What has been painful is watching the attempts to get people to take your flyer in the Royal Mile.
For those of you not in the know, here are the commandments:

1. Thou shalt force, cajole or interfere with the public that they may take a flyer

2. Nudity shall know its place on the Royal Mile, for it is home

3. Period costume shall distinguish thee from the masses

4. Yea! Professional buskers and street performers must have their PA gain on full, for it pleaseth the crowd to not know what thous speaketh of

5. A Capella requireth much clicking of fingers and jazz hands, do this and bask in the radiant smiles of the audience

6. Nudity shall be dressed in gouts of theatrical blood

7. Do never doubt thyself when thou stands in a group tableau, for it is art and therefore most interesting

8. Thou shalt use ‘thou’, ‘prithee’ and ‘sire’ when promoting Shakespeare

9. If thou be a singer, then thou shall voice Adele

10. Do what thou must to pull attention from your fellow artistes, everything is permitted, but watch out for the scene stealing auld jock in full highland fig with the tambourine

For myself, I have taken to mind reading punters and whenever I get something wrong I put a staple in my arm. Glad that my run isn’t across the whole of August, though it is a great way of getting compliance
Me:”So, I’m sensing you were indoors?”
Hapless punter:”no, it was outdoors” (I go to staple..) “ah! Don’t! I was indoors, I was indoors’”

Last nights show by the way, was a beezer. Excellent trance subjects and amazing results on the psychometry experiment. More on that later. Got the press in tonight and it’s time to trundle.